Trust me....

OK, so his view was they weren't sleeping together or seeing each other outside of work, so I should just get over it and believe it was over and move on. I would ask him to tell me if they had any contact, and he would tell me he would - then I would discover evidence of emails or voicemails and know he was still lying. When I would confront him about it, he would say she was still contacting him off and on, but he didn't contact her. He said he didn't want to hurt her or make her feel used, so he was nice to her.

Being nice is good, but not with a supposed ex-lover whom you've promised your wife not to have any contact with.....is this so hard to understand???

Four weeks ago, I grabbed his clothes he had worn to work that day to throw them in the wash and found a note in his pocket. It was written on post-it notes and was from HER. It said, and I quote:

I have this toy that I play with at night when I think of you. I try not to play with it but I have to. Just to get release. I see your eyes and call your name. I came so hard! How's that?

end quote.

I walked into where he was sitting watching the world series and stood there with the note in my hands, then I sat down across the room from him. He said, V - I promise there isn't anything going on with her. She left that on my desk at work. I don't care about her. I love you and I'll never hurt you like that again.

Sounds good. Do I believe it? I want to. I try to. Ultimately, no I can't. He has lied so much, too much and hasn't done anything to rebuild that trust. He thinks sitting at home and giving up his overnight hunting trips, basketball games with the guys, and other such stuff is what I want him to do- so that's what he's done. He has ignored my pleas to be honest and tell me when she contacts him. He has lied to me about the contact between them, and he still expects me to trust him.

So, fast forward to Nov. he and I are doing wonderfully in our personal relationship such as sex, communicating better, and meeting each others needs for love and affection. We have also been spending much more time together as a family and going on holiday-trips together. I thought everything felt pretty good. He evidently did not. He evidently discovered I was still listening to his voicemails and checking his emails. He also was tired of my spying on what he did while on the computer.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, he blew up. He said he is tired of sitting at home and not having a life just so I'll feel better. He was tired of giving up HIS time like hunting and basketball and stuff just to make me feel better and he now RESENTS ME because he doesn't get to do anything any more.

Oh, have I mentioned we have three small kids ages 7, 5, and 2?

How often do I go out? How often have I ever went on overnight trips / weekends away without them up my ass? NEVER, I repeat --- FUCKING NEVER

So, I guess I can understand feeling like you have no time for yourself or your own interests, fuck I can understand not remembering who the hell you are, I've been there for years, but I don't think it is his fault that I don't have a life. It is mine, because I've stayed at home and am self employed and don't meet people, I don't live near my friends or family, and I haven't tried to create any type of support system for myself since I married him - and that is my own fault! I am angry with myself for that.